2013

Just a few days left,
Thank you for reading and liking or not! :)

Here's to hoping that 2013 sees all your positive dreams, come true.
All the negativity fades away
And that it may be better in everyway!

Be safe, have fun, cherish those you love
And have a happy

When you give your heart to someone

You're asking them to treat you like they would themselves.

To always protect you, even from themselves, at their worst.

You're asking them to love you, uplift you.

To be honest without being mean,

To be true even when it hurts

But never to hurt on purpose.

You're asking them to treat you as an equal,

To put aside their ego, their macho

To view you as an equal partner.

One that has an opinion, a voice, a choice.

One that is respected and one that matters.

You're asking for an unspoken, mutual understanding,

That come what may, 

There will never be a day when that person decides 

To intentionally, willingly, 

Crush everything you gave to them, when you chose to give them your heart.

And when they do choose to hurt with intent,

And you choose to not allow yourself to suffer,

You choose to leave for the better

And they ask you, "Why?"

Start to care then, seem to hurt themselves,

How do you explain to them,

That they are just about to begin,

Feeling exactly the way you have been feeling

When they intentionally hurt you?

I guess that's when they understand, 

That even when one chooses to love,

They can still leave.

And that's when they realize,

Exactly what they wanted,

When they chose to hurt the one,

That chose to give their heart to them.

I Blame Myself, Mostly

See there's so much that I can say,
So much I can take away,
From what we shared, how I cared,
I could hide away from the truth,
Let it all go by, passively unmoved,
Simplify this phase, this case of love gone bad,
But I can never live a lie.

I've learnt to be stronger,
Not to stand for less,
Than I deserve,
To fight a little bit harder everyday.

And maybe you feel like it was you,
Your fault, something about the way you did, you
But no,
I blame myself for everything,
Every wrong turn,
For believing that fairy tales come true,
I blame myself, mostly.

Learning to say what I feel,
To fight for what's real, in me,
For what I want, what I need, what I deserve,
It's not too hard to allow myself to be loved,
By me.

So maybe you felt I was wrong,
I did what was right at the time,
Maybe you felt I lied,
The only lies I told were to myself,
And now I realise,

I deserve the right to choose,
Where I want to be and when,
How to live this life I have,
There is no second chance,
So for every wrong turn,
Every fairytale that I thought existed,
Everytime I looked to others for happiness,
I blame myself, mostly.

Man, you better KNOW!

Yes, you, I'm talking to you.
The way you would talk to a girl like me.
Yes, I'm pretty, there's billions like me,
Yes, my body's nice, you should see some other girls,
Yes, I know I look right,
Sexy, beautiful, fine.

But before you lose your mind,
Man, you better know.

I am not a flower,
You should never try to put me in a corner.
I am not a picture for you and your boys to stare at,
Don't try to test my intelligence.
I am not a one-nighter,
I'm a keeper.
I'm not a gold digger,
I've got more gold in my brain than you could ever have in your wallet.

Man, you better know.

I'm not defined by my friends,
My hair or clothes,
By the car I drive,
The job I have.

I'm not defined by your expectations,
Ancient myths,
I do not and shall not ever bow to every one of your last whims,
Yes, I said it,
You don't own me, never have and yes, never will.

So when you watch a girl like me go by,
This is what you ought to know,
I'm brighter than any spark you've ever seen,
Sharper than any knife's edge,
Smoother than you're best line,
Smarter than the best grade,
Completely out of your league,
Nicer than I seem,
Richer than any bank account,
Able to beat any expectation,
Defy any assumption,
Hold a whole crowds attention,
Live a humble yet noticeable life,
Open up my mouth and speak more truths than you ever imagined,
Shoot you down with my knowledge
And still be as alluring as a light to a moth.

Man, you better know!

As if I were climbing a mountain

It never seemed so hard to me,
Tough at times but not hard.
Not so bad that I cried on my knees for a miracle,
Not so bad that I felt completely helpless
Not too tough that I couldn't get over it.

 But this time, this last time,
It felt as if I was climbing a mountain.
Like the cold was tunnelling down my chest,
Freezing my breath, making me cry with pain
From not being able to just breathe.

I never felt so lost,
It was completely new.
To witness what I saw, to go through this
Trial.
Trials.

I've never cried that hard,
For love, life, what was.
I just wanted to take it all away,
Put it back where it came from
And wipe it away from the light.

I didn't want this climb, this mountain, this ordeal.
I didn't like it, still don't.

But, when I felt I couldn't find it in me,
I found it in words unsaid- my tears
In the unseen - my faith.
And I drew in a breath,
Winced as I pushed against the wind,
Inhaled more as my limbs grew stronger,
My sight grew clearer and my hope grew bigger.

I climbed this mountain.
And I hope another won't come round for while to come.

Saying Goodbye

How do I begin? Where should I start?
Tell the truth?
It's too hard.

But, the truth is,
We have to part.

Saying goodbye is never easy.
I don't know how to do it.

Do I sing you a song?
Tell you a story?
Make it seem - nice?

The truth is,
I want it to end now.

Saying goodbye,
I'll listen to my heart,
This one time,
It speaks what my mind wants to hide.
It tells the truth.

Saying goodbye may be hard,
But the truth is,
There is no other way to say it.

So, goodbye,
I wish you the best,
I can never hate you,
Never forget you,
But I will move past this phase.
And in all you achieve, I can only wish you,
The greatest of happiness.
A world full of peace, a smile for all your tomorrows
And a lifetime of joy and rewards.

So there it is,
Me,
Saying goodbye.

Growing.

It's hard to do, growing away from what you knew.

Hard to explain, even when you try your best, it just doesn't come out right.

Tough on you, hard on others, you hope the choice leads to a good outcome.

Away from what you know, how do you explain this to yourself?

Is something we all have to do.

Sometimes we know it, awarness is in everything.

Other times, we least expect it, it shocks us.

Is what I had to do,

Have to do

To get from here to me.

Where I have to be.

Growing, something, we all have to do.

To Some Girls

To some girls,
Life is like one big surprise,
Think you're up but next you're down,
That's just how it goes.

To some girls,
Life has never been so sweet,
Get the best of everything,
Every choice has great rewards.

But to this girl,
Life has been so far bitter sweet,
I learn and grow so quick,
Can't keep up with me.
Life has taught me not to trust,
To always have a defense up,
Not to ever give in too fast.

To some girls,
The world is always big enough,
Time is always by their side,
Prince Charming on his bright white horse,
Careers that soar to the mountain tops,
They seem to have it all.

To this girl,
Young but only just,
Life is showing up so much,
One minute up, the next cut down,
One thing I've learned,

I won't give up,
Like some other girls,
Settle for second best,
"If what I want does not work out, I'll just give in to whatever comes"
NO.
I won't give up,
I'll push against the grain, defy the odds and prove them wrong,
I may not be the luckiest
But I refuse to settle like some girls.

To some girls,
Life may knock us right to left,
Turn the good into the bad,
Surprise us at the worst of times,
Tell us yes then say no,
But girls like us,
We just won't give up.

Time.....

It must be years by now,
Since I last saw you.

Your old room still as you left it,
Your smell lingers in the air,

Or maybe it's just me,
Just how much I miss your laugh,
What I'd do to hold you one last time.

But I wouldn't want to have it any other way,
Life has it's ups and downs
And I know I can't rewrite what's done.

I love the way I had a chance to love you everyday,
But time changes fast
And I can only be grateful for what I had.

Do you still look the same?
Do you still think of me that way?
Is there a smile that plays across your lips,
When someone says my name?
Am I still that special girl?
The one that got away?
Are we still friends?

But I wouldn't want to have it any other way,
Life has it's ups and downs
And I know I can't rewrite what's done.

I love the way I had a chance to love you everyday,
But time changes fast
And I can only be grateful for what I had.

Sad, what's that?

Sad, sad, sad and mad,
That's what I was,
That's where I have been,
That's where happy memories go to die.

So, what exactly, is sad?
Sad, what's that?

No, I'm not sad, though I've been there before.
Down that long winding, windy boring cold corridor.

Sadness, it sucks you away,
Pulls you under and lets you believe,
Sad is all you need.

Sad? No.
More relived, why?
Because the future lies here,
With every step I take away from there,
With every step I take towards where I am meant to be.

Sad? Me?
Why should I be?
Life is just beginning,
The beauty of it all waiting,
For me, for you,
In this separation,
Life is waiting to be lived.

Sad, what's that?
I don't know it now,
And neither should you.
Sad isn't where you or I should be.

HE IS REAL

I had a pain so deep,
I didn't know where to turn,
I fought it in my sleep and faced it in my days.

I let it wear me down, force me to weep,
I allowed it to make me less than I had become.

One night in its heat, as I cried so deep,
I asked Jesus to give me peace.
I wanted to feel His peace, His love,
His presence.

Unexpectedly, in that moment of what seemed like defeat,
A warmth so peaceful, so great, so vast, covered me from within.

My tears dried, my heart beat calmed and I smiled,
If ever I doubted, I knew at that moment,
My Jesus is alive and yes,
HE IS REAL.

Life as I know it (Here I Stand)

So far down this road, one thing is clear,
I''ll always end up, somewhere, sometime
Along this journey, alone.

With those that I love, no where around to help,
No shoulders to lean on, no familiar voice to cheer me on.
Just me, my shoulders, my voice, my faith.

I have learnt that I have to fight,
In this life to get along,
To achieve, to gain, to grow, to succeed.

I would like to have another fighter,
By my side, to know I'm a half of one, fighting together,
In this life.

But seeing as how, in this life,
No two goals are ever alike,
I notice, this life, doesn't ask me to star in a tag team,
Nor a group, nor a family.

This life, asks me to face it as one,
Take down all my fears,
Stare my troubles in their fearless eyes,
Find my strength within my weaknesses
And share the best of who I am everyday.

So here I stand,
Alone once again,
But this time, alone, has never felt so strong.

BACK!

After my unplanned departure, I am back to writing about life, this life, that I know and I do have a few new poems, lyrics and stuff, so while I draft, thank you for reading, once, twice, however many times and to the lovely 5 followers, thanks!

The Closest I've Ever Come

To knowing a painful truth.
I feel as much as it hurts, it's necessary to know.

The closest I've ever come,
To losing my place,
Giving up,
Quitting the race.

Almost allowing myself to sit and watch,
Not participate,
Just guide those who continue to run.

One by one, they had come in groups,
Dwindled down to threes,
Some twos,
But gradually,
Slowly,
I notice, they all seem to go it alone.

Down these many roads, down the same road,
One by one, One at a time, One.

The closest I've ever come,
To seeing the truth stare me down,
Beat me down,
Yell me down,
Talk me down,

I see that not taking part,
Is slowing me down.
Listening to the pain in the truth and not the freedom in it,
Is shoving me further away and further down.

So I'll get up, every time,
And keep running, sometimes fast, other times slow,
Other times I may choose to walk
And even when I succumb to the pain in the truth,
I shall remember the freedom the truth brings.

And though I must go it alone,
Just like all the runners,
Lonely at times,
I'll run with the truth and know
That is the closest I've ever come
To letting the pain in a truth,
Cut me down.

It's funny how the most natural habits, traits, we have,
Come across as overbearing and annoying to those we love.

I'd do anything for love, because love is worth it,
But my trys, sometimes, come off as too much,
Smothering, suffocating, and to my own horror,
Hurting.

If I say it, it's only cause I feel it,
Like I said before,
For Love, I'd do anything.

I'd look a fool,
I'd change my life,
I'd go to the highest of hills,
The lowest of valleys,
If love asked me to.

But what am I to do,
When those I love misunderstand my trys,
My emotions, my reasons?

Love never told me I must,
But I know without Love,
I am powerless.

So get mad all you want,
Say what you feel,
Come on,
Let it out, let it out,
I'm sorry if I hurt you.

But know this,
For Love,
I'll fight with all I have,
Because that's all I am,
A believer in Love.

And if that is annoying and overbearing,
I'm sorry you feel that way,
But in so many ways,
I Love how I love.

Bitterness.

It will cut you up inside,
Tell your heart a million lies,
Let the worst come out,
Steal the true meaning of life.
It will tell you you're not good enough,
Make you believe you're meant for nothing,
Tear down you truths, promises, gifts
And make you believe you're worth nothing.

It's anger will rot your goodness,
It's pain will hurt your abilities,
It's lies will drown out your strength

And if you allow it,
It will destroy the love you have around you.

Yet in all its rage, it reminds us of one thing,
We have the power to stop it, to over-rule it,
To banish it, send it away,
Get rid of it
We owe it to ourselves.

Without it, we are better than any lie,
Greater than any failure,
Stronger than any fall,
Bigger than it's consuming ways.

Untitled

I lost my inspiration, somewhere between
getting there and success,
sometimes I feel like such a mess.

Don't even ask about a passion,
I have no re-collection of what consists
of my own happiness, I lost me
when i gave up on those dreams

Sorry to say, this life has its ways,
of letting you down when you're climbing up,
of letting you fall when you're so high up,

I should know now, it's all my fault,
but where to begin when I'm so far gone?
I need to


be.


Breathing isn't easy, when everyone's on 9
and I'm stuck on 1, why did they leave me alone?
why did I let them go on?

This life of sacrifice, has cost me more than I
bargained for, I let go of me, to help you,
but blaming anyone is just a lie,
so I live with yesterdays and dreams,
but I have no will it seems

So I lost my inspiration, have plenty imagination,
passion seems to flow out of the open door,
have plenty of love, lots to give away,
but non for my own self,
it would seem that caring for someone else,
took away the love I had left, just for me.

I just need to be free,
I just need to let go of this,
I just need to just


be.

Love flowed out of a river bigger than any I had ever seen.

It flowed from the top of the highest hill.

Down to the lowest valley.

To the end of every corner.

To the beginning of everything.

Love came down,

And washed me clean.

Petals Falling......

Life is funny,
The way I live, life is interesting.
Sometimes, it's mute and still,
Quiet and calm,
Passing like a calm breeze.

Other times, it's fast and active,
Entertaining and crazy,
Unexpected and fulfilling.

To think of it, it's like petals falling,
Off a superbly beautifully normal flower,
Budding all the time, never really revealing its essence,
Just letting its petals fall,
One by one,
Maybe even, two at a time.

Like beautiful delicate petals,
Each with their own tale,
Filled with their own emotion,
Experience,

Like beautiful petals falling,
To reveal more life,
Than I ever thought imaginable.

What the real flower looks like,
Maybe I will never know,
Or maybe I already do.
Either way,

I love each petal that has and will fall.

DEFINITIONS

Define yourself in a handful of words,
Are you quick, precise and content with your handful
Or are you struggling to define who you are, what you are.

Are you strong and driven?
Tough and motivated?
Quiet and resilient?

Do your achievements define you
Or do you define yourself in your relationships with others?

It's never easy, knowing, all the time, exactly
Who you are meant to be.
Who you like being, aspire to be.
Except for the lucky few, who were born into their definitions
And loved them ever since they could remember.

So, what defines you?
What is your definition, is there only one
Or countless definitions you can lay out with pride?

Whatever your definition may or may not be,
Let it be something so true to yourself,
That nothing can break it, re-shape it or change it.
Let it be re-energised, re-strengthened, uplifted,
Made better everytime.

Define who you are, wherever you are
Define yourself.

HERO

Looking through these past years,
Past successes, failures,
One thing comes to mind,
Why do we always search outside ourselves,
For our Hero?

Someone we have either never met
Or have met but can't get close enough to,
To save us from our situations,
Ourselves,
Us.

Yet, deep inside,
That Hero, is there,
Sitting quietly,waiting
To be summoned, acknowledged, trusted
With this task we would rather hand over to a stranger,
An idealised Hero.

You are your own Hero.
I am my own Hero.

And imagine, the possibilities we all have,
Realising the Hero that lives within,
If we all just rescued ourselves,
Imagine how,
We can rescue those that have lost trust and faith
In their inner Hero.

The Measure of a Woman

What is the measure of a woman?
In your opinion, what is it, as a woman?

Is it the right decisions,
The correct choices,
The wins up against the losses?

Is it your achievements,
Your success stories,
Who your children will turn out to be, if you have any?

Is it in the number of your conquest,
Their bank balances,
What you took from them,
What you gave them?

Is it in the boardroom,
Late night conferences,
New deals won,
Promotions,
Salary increases?

Is it in your family,
Your mother's smile,
Your father's eyes,
Your sisters and brothers?

Is it in your relationship,
Your boyfriend's pride,
Your husband's praise
Your lover's touch?

Is it in age old myth,
What a woman should be,
How a woman can be,
The sparkle of your kitchen,
The tidiness of your home
The pristine lines on your husband's collar
The accuracy of your daughter's ponytail,
The cleanliness of your son's uniform?

What is it,
To you,
The woman of today,
Living in so much possibility
Taking the lead or following the crowd?

The measure of a woman,
What is it to you?