As if I were climbing a mountain

It never seemed so hard to me,
Tough at times but not hard.
Not so bad that I cried on my knees for a miracle,
Not so bad that I felt completely helpless
Not too tough that I couldn't get over it.

 But this time, this last time,
It felt as if I was climbing a mountain.
Like the cold was tunnelling down my chest,
Freezing my breath, making me cry with pain
From not being able to just breathe.

I never felt so lost,
It was completely new.
To witness what I saw, to go through this
Trial.
Trials.

I've never cried that hard,
For love, life, what was.
I just wanted to take it all away,
Put it back where it came from
And wipe it away from the light.

I didn't want this climb, this mountain, this ordeal.
I didn't like it, still don't.

But, when I felt I couldn't find it in me,
I found it in words unsaid- my tears
In the unseen - my faith.
And I drew in a breath,
Winced as I pushed against the wind,
Inhaled more as my limbs grew stronger,
My sight grew clearer and my hope grew bigger.

I climbed this mountain.
And I hope another won't come round for while to come.