I quarreled with God

I quarreled with God last night,
Not because I wanted to, but because I had no other way,
My voice found its tone,
My tears found their release
And my bitterness found an out-

I let Him know how I felt,
Not like He doesn't know,
Not like He doesn't care,
But like He doesn't show he does.

I know, I know,
I am wrong.

I know, I should know better.

I know.

But you see, I was hurting.
So much and oh so bitter.

My spirit let it out,
My soul had been carrying it and suddenly it didn't have to anymore,
So I opened my ....... not my heart....
Not my mind.......
My inner me, the one that hides all my secrets, emotions, feelings, thoughts

I quarreled over fits of tears and stutters
I cried out to Him in pain, anger, disgust,
All of me hated all I was, in that moment
So I let Him know,
I hate everything I am.

How dreadful, how painful, how horrible.
Why so much hatred for who I am?

I quarreled and asked Him, why He made me as I am

I quarreled with God last night and I am so ashamed.