The Sky Above the Clouds

It's a beautiful sky, somewhere up there,
Above these heavy clouds,
I can catch glimpses of it every now and then,
Before the clouds draw in again.

I know it's waiting for me to claim it as my own,
But somehow, during the course of the day,
I let these heavy clouds take hold.

The path seems so unclear,
Destructive, painful and lonely,
It's never looked this bad before.

But
Is it really this bad or have I tainted it by the past?

Oh the past!
The wretched past!
It threatens to take my dreams away,
My heart away, my soul away,
My breath away.
The past threatens to reflect in the road that lies ahead.

I hang my head,
The rain from the clouds above gathers in my eyes,
Streams of pain come to life,
They flow, gently, abruptly, heavily, painfully,
Down my cheeks, down my face, onto my vest,
In my hands on the pillows,
Into my life.
They wash me tired,
Tired to the bone,
I could sleep for a day and still sleep more.
These clouds, I want them gone.

Because, somewhere above them, somewhere I know,
There's better weather waiting for me,
See it's bright and cool, warm and sweet,
I see it when the clouds momentarily stray,
That sky there, above the clouds,
That's where I belong.

That's where my life is whole,
That's where hope grows,
Where dreams come to life,
Where frustrations and pain have no home.

Ah but to be in that beautiful sky,
The sky above the clouds.

Women are Stronger

You want to talk about who's stronger,
Man or Woman,
Let me tell you,
Man, you're beat in this category.

I'm not saying it to get attention,
Not a piece of fiction,
But the things we as Woman, go through,
You'll never know.

Life can darken your soul,
Put a hole in a once full wall,
Leave you black and blue,
For just living.

So physically, Women may be weaker,
But God knows we put up with much more than Men ever could.
And if you say, "No", let me ask you;

Could you;
Put up with a cheating spouse, and not cheat yourself?
Put up with the kids screaming loud and still hear yourself?
Live life constantly tired, exhausted from all life's stress and yet still put a meal on the table,
For when your spouse walks in at night?
Could you do that?

Could you;
Forget about yourself, live life for your family,
Forget about the dreams you had cause those babies come first now?
Forget about how tired you are, still please your spouse in bed?

Could you;
Deal with being called a ho, cause that person didn't get all you had?
Deal with trying to show them all up and still be true to yourself?
See your partner flirting up a storm and still be loyal to the end?
Live up to their expectations and not lose yourself?

And when you feel that's all nothing, tell me this,
Can you bear the pain of losing a child, you carried within you?
Pick yourself up, death was inside of you,
Go on with your day,
Life goes on with or without you.

So when they ask are women stronger, yes we are,
Cause even the man that beats his partner down,
Isn't as strong as the woman she is,
Take all the abuse, get up and put on a smile,
Make her house look nice kids feel safe,
She's alright.
And when he lays his hands on her, her body gets weak,
But inside there's a spirit bigger than he will ever be.

So yes, when they ask me,
I'll take it for my team,
We Women were stronger than Man
Since a long time back when.......

Fighting Chance

Don't you ever let anyone tell you you are not worth it,
All of it; your hopes, your dreams, your desires, your hopes.
Don't ever let any situation make you believe you can not achieve it.
That which you dream of, want, hope for, live for.

Give yourself more than a fighting chance,
Give yourself the power to fight for what you want,
Don't ever let anyone tell you, you can not.

And when the hard times come,
When the pain wears you down,
When there is no one to pick you up,
Dust yourself off, my friend,
This alone will make you want your dreams even more.

Get up and give your dreams more than a fighting chance,
Let your feet step forward, step by step,
Remember the experiences and their rich lessons,
Remember the feeling when you were almost there,
Don't give up,
DON'T GIVE UP!
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT.

Give yourself more than a fighting chance.

THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE

I find myself giving in to this feeling,
I know I shouldn't but you cut me so deep I'm spinning,
And I try to get hold of me, try to shake it off of me,
But it clings on so strong,
Its all lies, but why do I feel like
They taste better than the bitter truth.

I won't lie to myself anymore,
I'm too old to play at games,
I won't hide from the truth anymore,
There's no hiding place left,

So I'll look at the bottom of this bottle,
Drown all my dreams in it's sorrow,
Cause sometimes, sometimes, I feel,
Life would be much better, at the bottom of a bottle.

No, it's not right,
For sure, it's definitely not okay,
This lie, that a bottles bottom is better than today.

But I feel so numb, the tears, I can't stop them when they come,
Hide my face away, lock away the ones that love me more
Than I love me,

And I feel that sometimes life would be better at the bottom of a bottle,
Lord, take these thoughts away, they cripple me,
I never once looked to the bottom of a bottle,
Oh how life can change,
Lord, help me find my peace before I hit,
The bottom of a bottle.

Stop

I lie awake at night, hearing all your lies,
I listen deep inside, afraid of all the lies,
I hear word for word, bit by bit
And I soak myself deeper in this pit,

Cause it would only be easier if I had not been bit,
Only be easier if you and I had never met,

Stop, stop, these sounds in my mind,
Stop them from pounding at my head,
Stop! Stop right now, I'm not sure if I'm alive or left for dead,
Just stop,
Cause your lies, they wreck my head.

I lay asleep in the day, letting life go by,
I hear the tears that I've cried, screeching past my cheeks,
I let the words come out without a single piece of thought,
I drown deeper in the pool of tears you left on my face,

Cause it would only be easier if you and I had never met,
Only be easier if I had not been bit,

Stop, stop from walking all over my pride,
Stop, stop from filling my head with lies,
Stop, this madness deep down in my mind,
Stop, cause I don't think I can go on with these lies.

I guess I will be okay

I couldn't find myself even if you showed me,
The reflection in the mirror doesn't seem to know me,
I feel broken in a thousand ways,
Your ways, your lies, how you owned me
And when it all came down to one mistake,
When the world and this Earth all started to shake,
When I needed you there and you weren't by my side.

I guess I'll be fine.
Someday, when all this is over,
I guess I'll be okay,
Soon enough, when all this is over.

There is no excuse for what I agreed to,
Felt so confused when faced with the truth,
And this reflection in the mirror,
She seems like a piece of me that died
And the person staring at her,
Well I can't even tell you who she is!

I guess I will be okay
Eventually
When all this is over
I will be free
I guess I'll move on with my life,
Someday, somehow,
I will be free, free, free.

Wake up everyday hoping for a change at least,
Maybe this will start the end of everything.
I have only hope, no luck or escape,
Holding on to what I believe,
Sometimes the weakness starts to show.
And I couldn't find myself if you showed me,
Couldn't recognise who is inside if you told me,
Couldn't hear myself if I listened deeply,
I guess, I guess, I will be okay,
Eventually.

What it feels like to lose a part of you

I couldn't believe it, didn't want to hear it
'No please,' I cried out, 'Stop! Stop.'
I couldn't bear to hear it
Couldn't bear to feel it
But I feel it everyday
Letting me know what I had and what I lost
Letting me know I will never be the same again
Letting me know I am changed forever
'Please' I sobbed to the wall
My arms held me tight
My eyes gushed
The pain in my soul unbearable
I heard my heart slow down
Beat beat beat
Just a beat
'Stop please' I begged the voices in my head
I do not want to hear anymore
No no
I feel half alive
I feel half lost
I feel half
Incomplete
Unfinished
Done
Over
Ruined.
This is what it feels like to lose a part of you