It's been a while......

Rather, more than, a while!

But here I am!☺☺☺☺

Finally!

I realise my last post was about death and how ironic that I wrote that and then would have to experience a, still unbelievable, death. Deaths, they are pauses in our lives that make us think, question and reflect. This particular one, hit me in a way I never knew possible.

It has taken me months to recover from my past year and I finally feel, I'm starting to build again, slowly, carefully, thoughtfully, lovingly. I want a life that stands up and sings every morning, not one that flops by the sides and does out of obligation to contract.

That's 👆 hard, I wish someone had told me earlier, a life you love, is hard to make so you have to start as soon as you feel your whole being sing the first time you attempt something new. I tried to close my eyes and remember the first time that happened to me; when I did something for the first time and suddenly I felt alive and real, nothing jumped up.😐

I'm confident this moment will happen, eventually, because, to be honest, if it hasn't happened already it will soon enough. In my pursuit for happiness and fulfilment, I always believed I have to find my purpose, then everything will click!

Wrong! There is no such thing happening for me, hasn't been for a while, then I began to soul search, meditate, read, think mindfully, basically, try everything to reach a, "Ah, this is my purpose" moment. Nothing.

It came to me though, one day as I was reading a rather soul loving book, it's not about pausing your life or living in half mode to get to and find your purpose to go forward. It's about going forward with the journey, living positively, enjoying the small moments, the big ones, the boring ones and the hurtful ones and knowing that this is purpose. Living is purpose. And maybe from your living, you will find there are things you consistently do without noticing but someone in your life appreciates it, maybe that's it, or maybe it isn't your purpose. Maybe your purpose will hit you unexpectedly on a bright sunny day, walking through the mall or on that rainy day lying under a duvet.

But in the meantime, this life you have, is your greater purpose, because you can choose to light it up as a beacon for those you can assist in whichever way or you can choose to leave it be, just another life.

But why shrink, yet you were born to shine.

Thank  you for reading.