THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE

I find myself giving in to this feeling,
I know I shouldn't but you cut me so deep I'm spinning,
And I try to get hold of me, try to shake it off of me,
But it clings on so strong,
Its all lies, but why do I feel like
They taste better than the bitter truth.

I won't lie to myself anymore,
I'm too old to play at games,
I won't hide from the truth anymore,
There's no hiding place left,

So I'll look at the bottom of this bottle,
Drown all my dreams in it's sorrow,
Cause sometimes, sometimes, I feel,
Life would be much better, at the bottom of a bottle.

No, it's not right,
For sure, it's definitely not okay,
This lie, that a bottles bottom is better than today.

But I feel so numb, the tears, I can't stop them when they come,
Hide my face away, lock away the ones that love me more
Than I love me,

And I feel that sometimes life would be better at the bottom of a bottle,
Lord, take these thoughts away, they cripple me,
I never once looked to the bottom of a bottle,
Oh how life can change,
Lord, help me find my peace before I hit,
The bottom of a bottle.

Stop

I lie awake at night, hearing all your lies,
I listen deep inside, afraid of all the lies,
I hear word for word, bit by bit
And I soak myself deeper in this pit,

Cause it would only be easier if I had not been bit,
Only be easier if you and I had never met,

Stop, stop, these sounds in my mind,
Stop them from pounding at my head,
Stop! Stop right now, I'm not sure if I'm alive or left for dead,
Just stop,
Cause your lies, they wreck my head.

I lay asleep in the day, letting life go by,
I hear the tears that I've cried, screeching past my cheeks,
I let the words come out without a single piece of thought,
I drown deeper in the pool of tears you left on my face,

Cause it would only be easier if you and I had never met,
Only be easier if I had not been bit,

Stop, stop from walking all over my pride,
Stop, stop from filling my head with lies,
Stop, this madness deep down in my mind,
Stop, cause I don't think I can go on with these lies.

I guess I will be okay

I couldn't find myself even if you showed me,
The reflection in the mirror doesn't seem to know me,
I feel broken in a thousand ways,
Your ways, your lies, how you owned me
And when it all came down to one mistake,
When the world and this Earth all started to shake,
When I needed you there and you weren't by my side.

I guess I'll be fine.
Someday, when all this is over,
I guess I'll be okay,
Soon enough, when all this is over.

There is no excuse for what I agreed to,
Felt so confused when faced with the truth,
And this reflection in the mirror,
She seems like a piece of me that died
And the person staring at her,
Well I can't even tell you who she is!

I guess I will be okay
Eventually
When all this is over
I will be free
I guess I'll move on with my life,
Someday, somehow,
I will be free, free, free.

Wake up everyday hoping for a change at least,
Maybe this will start the end of everything.
I have only hope, no luck or escape,
Holding on to what I believe,
Sometimes the weakness starts to show.
And I couldn't find myself if you showed me,
Couldn't recognise who is inside if you told me,
Couldn't hear myself if I listened deeply,
I guess, I guess, I will be okay,
Eventually.

What it feels like to lose a part of you

I couldn't believe it, didn't want to hear it
'No please,' I cried out, 'Stop! Stop.'
I couldn't bear to hear it
Couldn't bear to feel it
But I feel it everyday
Letting me know what I had and what I lost
Letting me know I will never be the same again
Letting me know I am changed forever
'Please' I sobbed to the wall
My arms held me tight
My eyes gushed
The pain in my soul unbearable
I heard my heart slow down
Beat beat beat
Just a beat
'Stop please' I begged the voices in my head
I do not want to hear anymore
No no
I feel half alive
I feel half lost
I feel half
Incomplete
Unfinished
Done
Over
Ruined.
This is what it feels like to lose a part of you

It's getting harder and harder to see the old you
I'm finding so many changes this is not you
You've found a level of comfort and its not who
I thought you were.

I'm going through such a big change
You're nowhere there to help
Cried to myself

So when i keep a distance
Don't be surprised
When you call and i don't answer
Don't be surprised

This is where the old me stops.
The new me doesn't know these ropes
Im so lost i wish it would all stop
But the new you loves this new show
Selfish in every way
So please, when its all over let me walk away.

This world wasn't built for I
So much i can not touch
My heart melts with the sudden rush.
I'm lost without my dreams
Unfulfilled fantasies
Sitting here in a world of hopes
With all the walls crashing down on me.

So give me a reason to stay
A reason to accept this way
Don't build me up to cut me down
Don't start me off to just shut me down.

Living in a hopeful dream,
Running wild with these hopes and dreams
Yet these walls keep caving in
Am I a fool to dream?

So please don't build me up
To tear me down and cut me off
Turn me loud just turn on mute
Leave me here with no route
Am I a fool to dream?
A fool to dream?

No regrets

Living a life without regret.
Possible?
Maybe. If I had a crystal ball
And a future flashing away in it.

Sometimes i feel helpless
No point in looking backwards
But no clue of how to get forward.

I write out my pain
Sing out my hurt
And speak my truth
But to no destination
Just lost at this particular station.

Life without regret.
Possible?
Maybe.