Soul and Woman

Because you are who you are,
That's enough.
Because there will never be another you,
That's enough.

Because in this life there'll be a lot of questions,
Wrong turns,
Down sides,
Pain,
Regret,
Beacuse that is the road we all walk,
It's enough.

Because there'll be days when he panic hits you in the throat and you can barely breathe,
It's okay.

Curl into me, I promise, you are safe here.

Roll into these arms and they'll engulf you like they shoud.

Cry on these shoulders and I'll kiss your tears out,

Wail to me and I will listen,

But don't break, not yet,
you're getting better,
Don't break, not yet.

Litter the pain in my hands and I'll pick it all up,
Spi it put and I won't look away,
Fill me with the pain and I'll take it.

Just do not break.

Not now, when we are slowly mending.
Not now when your heart is slowly healing,
Not now when there's so much to look forward to yet the past keeps clawing at you.

Don't break!

I'm afraid if you do, I'll never be able to put you back again.

I will try, always, but sometimes, the pain is too overwhelming for me.
The tears are too many.
There is too much sorrow that holding you feels like I myself, am about to break.

So please, while I get stronger, don't break, not yet.

It's okay

Sometimes, it's in the small things.

You need to love yourself.

I am understanding this on a different level.

Not because I don't but because, perhaps, I have never done it right.

I'm starting to understand that it's okay for me to need specific things out of myself.

It's okay for no one to understand those things either.

Silence? That's okay, it isn't a signal of something wrong.

Healing? There's definitely a lot of pain there.

Redemption? Hmmm, if ever.

Me? Always!

I'm like a drug to myself, the only one that knows the perfect medicine at the perfect timing.

It's okay to be in love with my dysfunction. It's okay to birth a new me.

It's okay to be alone in this head or with a million voices all at once.

It's okay to drown it all out with loud music blaring into my ears.

It's okay if that gets me to the next version.

It's okay to share who I am with him and to not expect him to know who that is.

It's okay to be me.

Sometimes, she's all I need or want.

She's home.

The closest thing to safe.

It's okay to be broken and mending. To be with everyone and yet alone.

It's okay as long as you feel it.

Love yourself in all different ways.

It's better than expecting anyone else to know how to love you.

Drown Out the Pain

Put on your favorite songs,
Play them louder than you can scream over them,
Let your soul spill out
As you shout out the words,
Louder and louder,
Get to that whisper.
Let that pain come out,
Let those lyrics heal you,
Make you know you're not alone.

Let's heal that pain.

Shout again, louder now,
Those tears burn through your mind,
Let it all out,
Let those lyrics caress the lies,
Let the pain flood out,
There's no need to hide now.

Let that music take away that pain.

It's getting lower now,
Slowing down,
Your heart is racing,
You're at that moment,
Down on the floor,
The crying is done,

Let's drown out that pain again.

Play another song,
Get up and dance,
Your body knows what it needs,
Release that pain,
Louder, faster, higher,
Let it all out.

Drown out that pain.

All the lies, that you tell yourself when you're not alone,
Let it out, let it out,
All the things you want but know cannot be,
Out!
Every disappointment,
Every fail,
Every last breath that was hard to take,
Out!
Let it out,
While the lyrics speak to you,
Like they know you.
Out!
Drown it all out.

Play that one song,
The one you play in the mornings that helps you get up,
The one that gets you going,
Tell yourself how amazing you feel,
It's gone


For now


Drown it out my love,
At the loudest it can get,
Even when it feels your ears may bleed,
Let it run through your veins,
Drown it out.
So that there can be a tomorrow,
For all your todays.

Used To Love.....

Isn't it interesting how as we grow we suddenly fall out of love with what we once were crazy over?

For me, these are places mostly, because they hold sentiments that now hurt when I think of them.

I don't hold on to the past anymore, I like to let it lie, in the past, behind me.

But, I was recently met with one such place in my face, in an advert that had me wondering what would have been.

I saw the buildings, the places, the lifestyle and asked myself, "What if?"

I smiled. I remember the places I went to, the things I did, the smells of the places and realized, I'm glad, there is no "what if"!

I love where I have found myself now, five years past that "what if". I'm happy, here.

Oddly enough, I have absolutely no desire to ever revisit this place, even for what it is now.

I used to love it, couldn't stand to be away from it, but now, I really couldn't care for it at all.

It's been a while......

Rather, more than, a while!

But here I am!☺☺☺☺

Finally!

I realise my last post was about death and how ironic that I wrote that and then would have to experience a, still unbelievable, death. Deaths, they are pauses in our lives that make us think, question and reflect. This particular one, hit me in a way I never knew possible.

It has taken me months to recover from my past year and I finally feel, I'm starting to build again, slowly, carefully, thoughtfully, lovingly. I want a life that stands up and sings every morning, not one that flops by the sides and does out of obligation to contract.

That's 👆 hard, I wish someone had told me earlier, a life you love, is hard to make so you have to start as soon as you feel your whole being sing the first time you attempt something new. I tried to close my eyes and remember the first time that happened to me; when I did something for the first time and suddenly I felt alive and real, nothing jumped up.😐

I'm confident this moment will happen, eventually, because, to be honest, if it hasn't happened already it will soon enough. In my pursuit for happiness and fulfilment, I always believed I have to find my purpose, then everything will click!

Wrong! There is no such thing happening for me, hasn't been for a while, then I began to soul search, meditate, read, think mindfully, basically, try everything to reach a, "Ah, this is my purpose" moment. Nothing.

It came to me though, one day as I was reading a rather soul loving book, it's not about pausing your life or living in half mode to get to and find your purpose to go forward. It's about going forward with the journey, living positively, enjoying the small moments, the big ones, the boring ones and the hurtful ones and knowing that this is purpose. Living is purpose. And maybe from your living, you will find there are things you consistently do without noticing but someone in your life appreciates it, maybe that's it, or maybe it isn't your purpose. Maybe your purpose will hit you unexpectedly on a bright sunny day, walking through the mall or on that rainy day lying under a duvet.

But in the meantime, this life you have, is your greater purpose, because you can choose to light it up as a beacon for those you can assist in whichever way or you can choose to leave it be, just another life.

But why shrink, yet you were born to shine.

Thank  you for reading.

When I die

When I die
I hope you won't feel empty by the void that I've left,
I hope you'll be full instead,
Share my love with the world I've left behind.

When I die I hope you tell the world I was happy,
I hope they see it in your eyes,
I hope I leave you with peace cloaked in love.

When I die I know that you'll be sad,
Leave trails of loss across your face,
But I want you to smile instead,
Keep me alive with every breath.

If I die in my pursuit of happiness,
Tell the world I couldn't care less,
My happiness lives in you,
I died with a smile on my face.

If I die, trust me I died with love,
Scrolled across the open skies,
Written in the root of my heart,
I died with the warmth of love as a forever embrace.

Keep me alive in your smile,
Let your heart beat fill with love,
Carry me in your every step,
I loved you till my very last breath,
I'm alive in the very beat of your heart,
Don't cry,
When I die.

Becky

Darling, you are beautiful and smart.
No one can deny that.

You can do so much better, this is juat a pitstop a long the way.

Beauty he dislikes you because you don't want anything to do with him,
Know this, you're a better woman because of this.

This man is wretched, abusive, a user of women,
He'll try to break you,
Becky, hold still.

Becky, be firm,
Do not let your guard down.

He may think his authority earns him a pass into every woman's haven,
Let's proove him wrong.
Becky, stand firm, stand tall,
Keep saying no.

Becky, I want to fight for you but you are scared,
An abusive relationship is the same regardless of the stand,
No woman deserves to be mistreated even in another man's land,
Becky, this woman, won't let you stand alone.

Becky, I know you are scared, I know I do not understand,
But I shall fight for you and take a stand.

Becky, I once was you,
Until a strong man told me I did not have to be.
Since then, I have stood bold and strong.
Becky, let me help you.

We are women,
We are strong,
We aren't meant to sit in abuse.
We shall get through this,
We shall win.